Harry Agombar: making up the numbers
Alex Cooke looks for a way to help Swindon’s perennially missing midfielder move on.
Proper footballers generate statistics almost as quickly as they generate pound coins. But not poor old Harry Agombar, for Swindon he’s got zero: zero appearances, zero goals, zero assists (although he has taken home quite a few pound coins). The club couldn’t even be bothered to report on his injuries. But if Agombar is ever going to leave (even on loan to Hereford) he’s going to need some more impressive stats, which is why I’ve made some up.
0/101. Harry’s pass completion – on Instagram where he made 101 passes at Doctor Who sex-midget Jenna Coleman. She has since blocked him. And informed the police.
719. Harry has collected all 719 Pokemon. He has also completed Angry Birds, Flappy Bird, Angry Flappy Birds, Angry Social Isolation And The Retreat Into Self 2.
23. The number of times Harry has read the last article on TheWashbag.com about Harry Agombar. He still hasn’t got all the answers right.
36. The total number of players who have been selected above Harry Agombar over the past-season-and- a-half. That includes Matt Jones, Connor Waldon, Will Randall and Tijane Reis.
66. The number of episodes of Breaking Bad Harry has watched. He has also seen 60 episodes of The Wire, 204 episodes of 24 and all 209 Peppa Pigs. Harry Agombar certainly gets value out of his NetFlix subscription. In fact, his ‘Recently Watched’ category just says ‘Everything’.
100. Harry’s wizard, named Berwhale the Avenger, has reached level 100 in World Of Warcraft.
0. The number of hours Harry takes getting dressed to go out. On the days when he does go out. Usually he eats cereral in his dressing gown and watches Loose Women with the curtains closed.
11,0054. The number of matchsticks Harry has used to create a scale model of the scale model of Milan Cathedral which was used to assault former Italian PM and whore-fan Silvio Berlusconi.
111,0054. The number of matchsticks Harry used to create the life-sized model of Roman pro-dangle-jiggler Silvio Berlusconi to assault with his scale model of the scale model of Milan Cathedral.
43. The amount of times Harry has checked in on 4Square at Swindon’s library. He doesn’t have a library card and is yet to take a book off the shelf, but he can often be found non-fiction section, just next to the radiator.
415. The number of times Harry has watched his YouTube video Harry Agombar – Number 10. 1. The number of times Harry has watched his his YouTube video Harry Agombar – Number 10 without crying. Or wanking. Or wanking and crying.
Feel free to add your own Harry stats below and watch the 188 times that Harry will click the ‘1 star’ rating.
He was guest at a Football in the Community Summer Coaching week. Roughly 98% of the course participants had never heard of him when he was introduced. My little lad asked him if he thought he would ever actually play a game for Town which Jon Holloway, who runs the scheme, swiftly massaged into “Tell us the clubs you have played for before Harry?” Seemed a nice enough lad just a bit bizarre that that, a pre season friendly v Cirencester, and one fleeting (non used obviously) place on the subs bench v some team I’ve forgotten appears to be the only impact of his 15 months or so at Swindon Town
I also remembered that Harry had been on the bench once, just couldn’t remember which game it was. Perhaps his future is as a football in the community rep – after all his family have a history of community service.
He’s a midfielder! I honestly didn’t know his position.
Not sure it is his best position. His recent scores on Pointless indicates that he might be best on Famous Norwegians, Cheese and British Prime Ministers 1901 to 1997.
How about ‘348… The number of times that Alex Cooke has flogged the same dead horse’?
Ok, the previous management signed a cheap player under dubious circumstances and it hasn’t worked out. Please move on now.
Brilliant…yes come on Alex, move on! Whose the next target?
Who is Harry Agombar?
“415. The number of times Harry has watched his YouTube video Harry Agombar – Number 10. 1. The number of times Harry has watched his his YouTube video Harry Agombar – Number 10 without crying. Or wanking. Or wanking and crying”
Pissed myself when I read this! We’ve all had a cry wank, but I can imagine Harry does quite a lot of it. Hopefully he’ll go one further and try a Hutchison