How much do you know from about Swindon Town’s rarely seen midfield maestro, Harry Agombar? Take our test, and find out says Alex Cooke…

Question 1. Who is Harry Agombar?

A. Harry Agombar is the long-lost cousin of former Celtic defender and Swindon Town’s mystery man, Milan Misun. On weekends, he is also known as Fredi. Or Alan Navarro.

B. Harry Agombar is an east-London performance artist known as Trvorsky. He was planning to make an situationist statement by highlighting how pampered professional footballers are insulated from the real world, earning vast sums without effort. However, he can’t be bothered now he’s made it as a professional footballer.

C. Harry Agombar is a young, lower- and non-league, footballer of little experience in this country. He was a youth-team player with Arsenal and Spurs, before moving on to Malta and Serbia.

Question 2. How was Harry Agombar’s signing by Swindon Town first revealed?

A. Harry Agombar’s signing by Swindon Town was first revealed by The Town End Forum’s Dr Piere Chang so long before it happened he had to wait for the TEF to be invented. And for 21-year-old Harry Agombar to be born.

B. Harry Agombar’s signing by Swindon Town was first revealed by an ‘Agent In The Know’ Twitter account. Although due to an administrative error, Agombar’s name was misspelt as “Swindon’s new manager will be Stuart Pearce after Jed’s board sell the club to the Saudis”. The agent’s mum has since deleted his account, and most of his hard drive.

C. Harry Agombar signing by Swindon Town was first revealed on Harry Agombar’s Facebook page. Very little else is revealed there though, not even pictures of his tea.

Question 3. What does Harry Agombar do when he isn’t playing football?

A. When Harry Agombar isn’t playing football he pitches a small tent in his back garden and practises his ‘signature bake’ of a sachertorte, with a hint of hazelnut. He then dresses as “the bitch of the buttercream” Mary Berry, and judges himself very harshly indeed.

B. Harry Agombar works as a spare ‘tummy banana’ for perma-tanned pervert and sunbed-sex-offender himself – former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi.

C. Harry Agombar does whatever he wants on a Saturday. He isn’t needed by manager Mark Cooper.

Question 4. Why Harry Agombar hasn’t been able to play for Swindon this season?

A. Harry Agombar hasn’t been able to play for Swindon this season as he got himself a Saturday job as a Deputy Retail Experience Facilitator in the Vodaphone shop in Guildford. However, Harry is so scared of his 17-year-old supervisor that hasn’t dared to ask for a weekend off yet.

B. Harry Agombar hasn’t been able to play for Swindon this season as he has torn a muscle in his arm – the arm he was going to use to beat up every other Town midfielder so he could have a remote chance of getting a game.

C. Harry Agombar hasn’t been able to play for Swindon this season as, relative to the other members of the squad, he lacks experience, and talent. He has also suffered a number of injuries.

Question 5. Why does Harry Agombar have the squad number 27 at Swindon?

A. Harry Agombar chose the squad number 27 as it is the number of times he has watched (and cried) during the first ten minutes of Pixar’s Up. He has never watched the rest of the film.

B. Harry Agombar chose the squad number 27 as it is the atomic number of Cobalt. In a recent interview Agombar admitted to admiring the magnetic substance for its high Vickers hardness rating and use in blue glassware, quashing internet rumours that he preferred Beryllium.

C. Harry Agombar was allocated the squad number 27 as he isn’t that good at football and probably won’t displace any player with a lower number.

Question 6. What is Harry Agombar’s ambition while at Swindon Town?

A. Harry Agombar’s ambition while at Swindon Town is to open a high concept restaurant but one based on his limited cooking skills. Named the Hot Pot it will serve only cuisine which can be prepared by Agombar using a kettle, spoon and teeth (for those tougher sauce sachets). The house speciality will be Original Curry Pot Noodle with a mulligatawny Cup-a-Soup foam and diced Quaver croutons.

B. Harry Agombar’s ambition while at Swindon Town is to win a bet about who plays the most games with ‘bad bitch’ botherer and local hack taunter Troy Archibald-Henville. The game might be akin to two slapheads scrapping over heated rollers or two stegosaurs battling as to who will be first to take a bite out of the giant meteorite heading their way, but both chaps are determined.

C. Harry Agombar’s ambition while at Swindon Town is “get my head down and try to get games under my belt.”

Question 7. Why was Harry Agombar signed by Swindon Town?

A. B and C. Nobody knows

The answers

Mostly As or Mostly Bs
Obviously these answers are pure fiction and wrong. So very wrong. Harry Agombar does, or has done, none of these. Ever.

Mostly Cs
You are right, but is it fun to always be right? Is it really, Paolo?