Why not try Matt Arnold’s drinking game if you must watch the visit of Franchise FC on the TV..?

There are a plethora of reasons why going to the County Ground on Saturday will be far better than watching the game live via Murdoch’s Death Star. The atmosphere for one, and then there is the unbridled joy in frantically grinning and waving behind everyone taking a throw in or corner, that can never be overstated – as long as you are under ten or particularly simple, or at least happy to appear so on the telly.

Also, of course, attending this match will give you a chance to answer one of footballs imponderable questions. Namely, just who are the ‘customers’ (note: never fans) who spend their weekends following the decade old crime against decency that is Franchise FC?

Another note: Never legitimise the abomination by using the name Winkleman gave his monster.

Still if reasons of geography, finance or plain idleness force you to take in our ‘Top of the Table’ clash in, what I suspect we’ll be endlessly reminded is, ‘The Race to the Championship’, at home, then you have one big advantage over the hardy souls in the ground.

Yes, those on the sofa rather than in the seats can drink as much as they want, and do so within sight of the TV.

So with that in mind I’ve invented a drinking game to get you through the 90 minutes, plus all the no doubt cliché ridden build up and after match analysis .

The initial rules are below, but please do add your own in the comments.

And make sure you stock up the fridge and get some mates round in plenty of time to play along

Obviously you shouldn’t actually play along, especially if you are under 18. Binge drinking is bad for your health and will inevitably leave you embroiled in some form of undignified twitter spat with a Franchise Customer, bereft, as is all their species, of a soul.

In the pre match montage spot a kid with their face painted for the occasion – One finger

In the pre match montage up spot an adult with their face painted for the occasion – Three Fingers. Four fingers and a swift Facebook friend delete if you know them

Someone waves a Swindon Scarf at the camera – One finger

Someone waves a half an half scarf made especially for todays match at the camera – Keep drinking until you locate the number of a mate with a drone, a pin point accurate airborne rifle and little regard for the laws of the land

The Commentator mentions a “certain Paolo Di Canio” –Last one to go online, order something expensive that they don’t need, have no way of paying for and will get bored of after a week, neck a pint of Cinzano

The Commentator mentions Kevin MacDonald –  Turn to the person on your left and offer them a selection of drinks.

Once they pick one, tell them they can’t have that one, and they must instead sample this new drink they’ve never heard of, but your mate Tim swears is brilliant.

Keep this up until they storm out.

Then drink one finger

The Commentator mentions Paul Hart – Drink one finger (of bitter), then continually swear blind that it was actually three, in an increasingly sour and belligerent fashion.

The Commentator mentions that Sam Ricketts is a “Swindon boy” – Last one to belt out a word perfect rendition of XTC ‘Red Brick Dream’ finish drink.

A pundit makes a weak gag confusing Andy Williams the triker with Andy Williams the crooner –

One finger

A pundit makes a weak gag confusing Jack Stephens the defender with Jack Stephens the Wiltshire based magician (http://www.jackstephens.co.uk/)  –

Everyone make their whole drink ‘disappear’

The camera lingers on a Swindon fan in the crowd –

All insist you know said person and bellow their life story with as much invented salacious detail as possible.

Least convincing biographer must down three fingers

The camera lingers on a Franchise Customer in the crowd –

Steal someone else’s drink then immediately claim they should get over it.

Should they continue to gripe, self-righteously ‘offer’ to ‘return’ the empty cans they drank earlier. As if that some how makes it all OK.

The Camera picks out Lee Power in the stands –

Last one on feet dancing and singing ‘We’ve got the Power’  to the tune of this Snap classic – Two Fingers

The Camera picks out Pete Winkleman in the crowd –

Vomit.

At least it may sober you up…

Neck two fingers of mouth wash to get bitter taste out of your mouth. It’s futile, it will never leave.

Post Match Punditry –

Nominate a couple of your fellow sofa dwellers as Stratton bank style stone thrower, at some point during the post match analysis  they must lob rocks at the telly in tribute to this.

Once the pebbles start raining onto the flat screen, the last one to solemnly intone “A few yobs are throwing stones at the TV, but you’ve got to expect it sometimes” finish all the left over booze.

And then have a nice lie down

Right, what have we missed, tell us below…