The 2016/17 STFC Shambles Awards

Relegation to the fourth tier, two defeats to Oxford, and a home defeat to a non-league team in the FA Cup surely make this season the worst in our history. Rob Foster contacted us to say it seems very unfair that Vigs won all the end of season awards, so he’s put forward some deserving others as well:

PENNIES FROM HEAVEN AWARD

Lawrence Vigoroux – His goalkeeping qualities can only be matched by his ability to count out low level coinage. Quite simply without him we would have been down a number of games earlier

OUT OF DATE SAT NAV AWARD

Brad Barry – Regularly spotted in areas of the pitch where he shouldn’t have been, driving up blind alleys, and unable to locate the address of opposition left wingers

SAMSUNG GALAXY 7 AWARD

James Brophy – Occasionally on fire, terrible end product

GET A BRAZILIAN AWARD

Rafa Rossi-Branco – Partly due to his nationality but mainly due to his attempts to play around in a tight spot often leading to a close shave

I’M A DECENT DEFENDER, GET ME OUT OF HERE AWARD

Nathan Thompson – His commitment simply made the paltry efforts of those around him look even more lacklustre than it was. Too many injuries again. Naming the treatment room after him would be a fitting tribute if he moves on

BEST ALIEN IMPRESSION

Charlie Colkett – Ran round in so many circles it was rumoured that Wiltshire Police were investigating whether marks on the County Ground pitch had been caused by a spaceship from another planet

BIG BEN AWARD

Ben Gladwin – Like the clock of the same name just hung around looking tall doing something useful approximately every hour

LIFEGUARD AWARD

Rohan Ince. Thrown in at the deep end and expected to save a group of swimmers with vastly inferior ability who were out of their depth

LEFT BACK IN THE DRESSING ROOM AWARD

Brandon Ormonde-Ottewill – Concrete evidence that legal highs are not performance enhancing drugs

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Connor Thomas – A series of wooden performances with possibility of fluffing lines at any moment

BEST SIDEWAYS PASS

Anton Rodgers – At home to Walsall

WORST SIDEWAYS PASS

Anton Rodgers – Every other pass

DAVID CAMERON AWARD

Yaser Kasim – Formerly a big player on the international stage, made a series of lazy misjudgements, and has since disappeared from public life

JEREMY CORBYN AWARD

Nicky Ajose – Spent way too much time out on the left and seemingly never advised was likely to get more success in the centre

LOYALTY AWARD

Jon Obika – Missed 3 months of the season with a paper cut before injuring his little toe whilst out running down his contract

MALAYSIAN AIRLINES AWARD

Islam Ferouz – Went completely off the radar and still not been found

SOUTHERN TRAINS AWARD

Luke Norris – A whole year of ineffective strikes

COMICAL ALI AWARD

STFC Media Department – For the unwavering enthusiasm on Twitter however bad the position became culminating in the failure to mention #relegation in the Scunthorpe match report

COUNTDOWN AWARD

Luke Williams – For his abject failure to solve virtually any conundrum and his infamous statement that 3 draws were the same as a win

WORST ANIMATION

Ross Embleton – Coming soon to a Town near you Ross gets highly animated with a fourth official for no apparent reason

SEAGULL AWARD

Tim Sherwood – Flew in from nowhere, shitted all over the place, and flew off again leaving a huge mess to be cleared up

DIGNITAS AWARD

Lee Power – The real reason for all those Switzerland trips. The terminally ill patient was finally put out of its misery on 22 April after hardly any fight at all following a home defeat to Scunthorpe United

Comment Here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s