Six ways to get the County Ground crowds back
Lee Power says that the attendances at the County Ground better improve or he will start flogging players, Alex Cooke has five better ideas, and one crap one.
1. Mark Cooper promises to get a Swindon Town tattoo. But not just a club crest as Paolo Di Canio lied he would but a picture of Jed on one bum cheek and Lee Power on the other arsecake. Then, when he sits down it will look like they are kissing.
2. No short corners. Ever. They never ever work and are the footballing equivalent of chunky KY Jelly.
3. Once inside the ground you are legally entitled to punch anyone who shouts ‘Foooward! in the back of the head. Irony is no defence.
4. Mark Cooper learns how to that scarf-waving thing. The churls love that stuff. It makes them clap their hooves together in delight.
5. Discover a typo on Massimo Luongo’s birth certificate. Once that jam spill is wiped up it will turn out that the talented midfielder is in fact Austrian. Hurrah! No need to fly thousands of miles to a Luddite-ruled nation far too close to the sun for 45 minutes of play, and no more Asian Cup! Just duty-free Toblerones for everyone.
6. A live judge’s summing up, held in the County Ground. All season ticket holders get to see the conclusion of the latest McCrory v Power court case, in the centre circle, under floodlights. #TeamPower can have the DRS, Arkells and Town End. #TeamJed can go on the Bank.
Well, the two chairs the ballboys normally sit on. Should be enough.
7,8 and 9
You can come up with these yourself and post them below. And read Ron’s excellent piece on the empty red seats. That includes a few, proper ideas.