Press Watch – Shrews, Soliciting and Military Contraception
Welcome to Press Watch, the Washbag’s sideways glance at all things Town related in the media. If you see anything remotely concerning Swindon Town in the worlds media get in contact with me via Twitter @mrbraindown
Here we are again, are you ready for yet another exciting column crammed full of Swindon related media snippets? Well back off! Pickings are slim this week and it seems this level of news blackout will continue until Paolo finally decides to do something stupidly absurd.
Again he’s been the perfect manager with no hint of any horseplay, even with the amazing provocation of the atrocious Colchester performance – in fact he’s been so good that I’ve had to make up some national press of my own: amazingly this article appeared on the Mail website*
Seriously though, there was nothing in the national media at all. I did think there would be some coverage concerning the Shrewsbury encounter, (I’m discounting this in-depth review courtesy of The Sun) what with the two STFCs meeting head-to-head – surely this angle alone provided enough charm or a romantic edge to be covered by a national? No apparently, but I suppose if it had been an encounter between Bristol Rovers and Blackburn Rovers I wouldn’t be interested either.
I shouldn’t have worried about any national coverage of the game; my concerns should have begun closer to home, in the form of the Shrewsbury Chronicle. Zero coverage on that website, nada, zip, although I think football was always going to come a close second to the evidently more popular Bowls scene – what with big clash of Elephant & Caste versus Ford to report. For those that are desperate to know and can’t be arsed to click on the link, Elephant came out on top by 19 chalks.
Although the rather amateurish site did contain a match preview (sort of) in which Shrewsbury defender Joe Jacobson declares that the “Town are on Collins alert”. Not sure of how this alert fits in with current UK Threat Levels scale, perhaps it should nestle in between Severe and Substantial.
The Shropshire Star saves the day with a whizzy photo reel, apparently Paolo ‘Gets the face of the fourth official’ like it was some kind of macabre souvenir. Fede Bessone is also labelled ‘Raffa De Vita’ in a lazy, shrugging, all these dirty foreigners look the same to me, kind of way.
Moving on and the Colchester game was quickly upon us. Dr Doom was unable to accompany me this time, but as my father was still on holiday his seniors’ season ticket was therefore up for grabs. Unfortunately, try as I might I couldn’t find any willing volunteers to take the spare ticket whatsoever – I made a few phone calls to anyone I thought could pass as a senior, insulting a few people on the way – “I’m 41”, “Seriously?” But alas in the end I couldn’t find anyone, I literally couldn’t give the ticket away.
I made one last attempt prior to kick off by hunting around the mobile homeless soup kitchen which is based in the car park opposite the Jurys Inn – judging by the look of some of our readership I’m sure a lot of you know it well. In the end I came across one particular destitute old man so I asked him if he was up for an evening of fun and entertainment, he looked at me strange and then asked me quizzically how much money I had. Noticing the confusion which was obviously spreading over my face he quickly added ‘cos I don’t turn tricks for anything less than fifty.’
Suddenly I realised that a horrifying misunderstanding was beginning to unfurl so I quickly hurried away, needless to say on arrival at the ground I avoided the foot longs at Di Canio’s deli and went for a pie instead.
So, Colchester eh? Never been to Colchester, I know its famous for its military garrison, it was the birthplace of Humpty Dumpty and three quarters of Blur – and was once the Roman capital of England, but apart from that – what has Colchester ever done for us? Well, ironically that morning, whilst I was going for my pre-commute ‘clear-out’, I began browsing the rather intellectual tome ‘Das Krapital’ – a recent entry in the Rogers Profanisaurus series of books (which I keep in my downstairs toilet, high brow I know.) So imagine my glee when I happened across this little gem:
As this is a family column, (yeah ok, I know I’ve just spun a yarn about soliciting a tramp above) I’ve pixelated the rude bit out, but if you’re really determined to get the full definition click here, but be warned kids, it deals with adult themes.
Anyway, let’s get back to the football – funnily enough, the nationals overlooked this encounter as well, treating it like some sort of lower league bridegroom compared to the stunning Champions League Bride. Try as I might I couldn’t find an official match report in the Colchester Daily Gazette, it hints at its existence but blow me if I could find it. I have a feeling it’s only available in hardcopy, but bugger that if I have to drive to Colchester to get one.
Instead we had an immediate post match report which focuses on the Michael Rose angle and an interview with the new U’s boss Joe Dunne, who apparently was ‘delighted with the performance’. I’m not surprised; it was such a dire encounter from a Swindon perspective, our performance was so bad that I think I might have enjoyed that half-negotiated sexy tramp cuddle a bit more.
In miscellaneous Swindon news, the latest edition of the excellent When Saturday Comes magazine flopped onto my mat a couple of days ago. Acting like some sort of vengeful wedding invite from a jilted long lost love, it manages to open up old wounds by raising the Wes-Gate subject once more. Sniff. Appearing in the ‘Quotes of the Month’ section it blurts out Di Canio’s angry Wes related tirade:
A great article appeared on the Burnley webzine No Nay Never regarding Charlie Austin, where author Kevin Robinson states ‘I’m not bothered about Charlie Austin Leaving!’ It’s a deliberately inflammatory headline, but the article behind it discusses the fact that despite Charlie’s heroics in front of goal, Burnley remain pretty mediocre.
“When he’s gone I want to look back and think ‘those were really special times’ rather than ‘he made rubbish times a bit less rubbish‘. I want to remember. I want his goals to mean something. I’m not saying we need to be winning the league – but I want them to let us at least threaten for a play-off place.”
Moving on, do you ever associate certain commercial brands with certain football clubs? If you’re of a particular age can you visualise JVC and not think of Arsenal, or think of Crown Paints and not think of Liverpool? Well this is the article for you.
So following on from this, what sponsor do you consider Swindon’s default? Is it Burmah, GWR, Lowndes Lambert, ISIS even? Leave your opinion below – anyone that says Kingswood is banned.
As this column is a little thin this week and in apropos of nothing, I’m chucking this gem in –
Fantastic eh, it reminds me of this memorable Town End strike –
And that’s pretty much it, unless you want to know what Architecture journalist Jonathan Meade’s five favourite buildings are? One of them is in Swindon don’t you know – any guesses before clicking on the link?
Till next time.
*Again, I must stress that the Daily Mail article above was created entirely by me and was not in any way published by the good people of the Mail. It was just a bit of fun.