Swindon Town have been shortlisted in the ‘prestigious’ Football League Awards.

“Wow”.. I hear you all cry, “what award are we up for at the glitzy gala?”.

We’re not up for Community Club of the Year, not even considered for Family Club of the Year, we haven’t even got a player who can be bothered get away from their Xbox in the afternoons and help in the community, there’s no unsung hero at the club and finally there was no chance of Will Evans or Billy Bodin winning the Apprentice of the Year given their limited first team chances.

……We’ve been shortlisted for Best Matchday Programme.

Now…I don’t know about you, whilst our programme has improved, I can’t stand how bloated and expensive the programmes have become in recent times.

Sod the ever growing magazine format with full centre fold of David Lucas in some provocative pose, with the endless guff on player likes or dislikes, or how Michael Timlin wastes the money we spend at the club on his expensive holidays.

It’s becoming so big you can’t even fold the bloody thing to put in your pocket when it’s time to head home. You have to bring a bag just to keep the rain off if you want to keep it in pristine condition.

Three quid is what this costs to buy.

You can get a better deal if you purchase FourFourTwo at the same time, except you have to remember you’ll need to lug them both around.

Give me several pieces of A4 paper, folded with two staples to hold it together and put in some relevant information about the game and not just regurgitated news from throughout the week, as that’s why we have the internet.

All I want is a comment from the gaffer and captain on the week and game ahead, a team sheet as well as some relevant facts about all the opposition squad who are going to run rings around us.

Also…there’s no need to print the names of the referee or linesman, as they’re always called  ‘A Wanker’… aren’t they.